Fiction: Surf 'n' Turf (Triton x Hermes)
Hello my lovelies,
please enjoy this light-hearted story of Hermes and Triton hooking up. The Hermaphroditos story became so long that it will be this year's Pride Month story so I apologise that the next poll will be for August, as I plan to take a break (and pause billing) in July. I haven't forgotten about Ares and Aphrodite either, I just prioritised Hermes and Triton as I still had hopes to finish during MerMay.
This month's illustration was created by Sinoky. He made Hermes ripped! 😳
Find the illustrated version of this story here.
You can commission Sinoky here, commissions are open!
Glossary
Alkibiades of Athens: an Athenian aristocrat and general who is famous for his wealth but also for switching allegiances several times, defecting from Athens to Sparta to Persia and back to Athens.
chiton: an ancient Greek piece of clothing akin to the Roman tunic.
eromenoi: plural of eromenos, the younger partner in the ancient Greek homoerotic relationship model. He would be pursued and courted by an older, adult lover.
Fry: a juvenile fish that is able to move about and forage for food
Nereids: nymphs of the sea, daughters of Okeanos and Tethys.
Pontos: primordial god of the sea. Like Thalassa he is the sea itself, not merely its resident deity. He was born from Gaia at the dawn of creation.
Rivers: Potamoi, sons of Okeanos and Tethys
Serika: China
Symposion: an ancient Greek drinking party, usually all male except for female performers like acrobats, dancers or musicians.
Titans: the gods who ruled before Zeus and his siblings overthrew their father. Think of the titans as a generation, like boomers, not something different from a god.
Surf 'n' Turf
Hermes watched the waves run up the sand. Triton was more than fashionably late. The sea gods claimed he was the fastest swimmer in the Aegean but Hermes had his doubts. If he was supposedly so very swift, how come it took him forever to show up? He kicked a pebble into the surf. He didn't have time for this. But the alternative would be to take a dive and swim to uncle Poseidon's golden palace under the sea himself to make his deliveries and while that certainly could be done, it would take him the better part of the day and he'd be all wet. No, it was more efficient to give his message to Triton, even if that idiot was as reliable as Alkibiades of Athens.
Hermes was getting ready to take off his clothes and try his luck in his uncle's realm when the surface broke and a greenish hand waved at him before the head of dark blue hair emerged from the waters. Hermes rolled his eyes, but he was glad he wouldn't have to go all the way to the bottom of the sea.
"You're late," he greeted his cousin as the fishtailed god made his way to the shore. He had the green complexion of the Nereids, with hair as dark and blue as Poseidon's. The eyes had the silvery colour of many fish but unlike them, he had lids and lashes. For an Olympian god, his looks were a bit exotic, his webbed hands scaly and claw-like, instead of legs the tail of a fish, his teeth sharp and all shaped like needles, as if his jaw was lined with nothing but canines. But Hermes frequented the underworld on a regular basis. Nothing was strange in comparison to some of the chthonic deities that dwelt there.
"Is that a way to greet your cousin and colleague?" Triton rolled onto the beach into a nonchalant pose.
"If he's late, then yes." Hermes knelt down to greet him with a kiss. "You really need to work on your tardiness."
"Says you. In the sea, nobody is as fussy as you. We are immortal, mate. Just relax."
"Weare immortal but many of the recipients of my messages are not."
"Mate, you're dealing with the literal dead, how urgent can it be?"
Hermes pinched his cousin's fin.
"If I don't pick them up, they'll start wandering around the earth haunting people. Not a good idea."
"They don't haunt the ocean." Triton grinned at him. "Landlubber problems."
"Mortals who die at sea might haunt the ocean," Hermes said, "if I don't come to pick them up and guide them to the underworld. But I guess from the sea there is always a way to the Acheron and the shores of Styx."
"Because all the rivers come back to Thalassa." Triton said proudly, as if he himself had anything to do with it.
"All the rivers come back to their mama. But enough of the dead. Any news from the living?" Hermes rested his arms on his cousin's tail, just where it gave way to a human-looking midriff. He was wet and cold and slippery.
"My mama has been meeting with some creepy gods. Like, seriously monstrous."
Hermes grinned.
"More monstrous than you are?"
"Hey! I'm a totally normal sea god!"
"You may think so but having a fish tail is quite out of the ordinary on Mount Olympos. And webbed hands with claws and sharp, fishy teeth... Some people might call that monstrous."
Triton snorted.
"If you find that monstrous, then your bar is so low it’s a tripping hazard in Tartaros. If I’m monstrous, why aren’t you, with those wings on your ankles?"
"The wings are on my shoes, not my body."
"Same thing. Also, your skin is weird and dry and red and you can grow horns from your head."
"Indeed, I can. I suppose some might consider that monstrous. Now that we have established that we are both monsters: what about Queen Amphitrite? Why was she meeting with those deities?"
"She's still obsessed with the disappearance of uncle Nerites."
"Nerites." Hermes had heard the stories, though he had not been alive when it happened. Lover to both Aphrodite and Poseidon, he had one day disappeared without a trace. Amphitrite, his sister, thought that he had been transformed into a slow-moving sea snail and had tried to find a way to turn him back ever since.
"Yeah. She met with the old sea gods. Ketos and Phorkys and old Pontos and Thalassa."
"Don't you think she met with them before?"
"Probably. I don't know. Meeting primordial gods who are so old they have seen the dawn of creation seems like something you might want to avoid."
"But your mama rules over all sea creatures, even the oldest ones."
"Still. They are weird. And they could be dangerous."
Hermes shrugged.
"Weird people are the most interesting, don't you think so?"
"Sure, for you. Because they make for juicy gossip."
"Can you blame me?" Hermes grinned. "I'll tell you about the monsters of the earth and sky in exchange. For example, my boyfriend Perseus–"
"The Graiai are creatures of the sea, ultimately. Literally the offspring of Phorkys and Keto. I know their story."
Hermes pouted.
"Fine. Then tell me yours."
"So, Mama goes to them wearing the necklace that has the snail pendant, the snail she claims is uncle Nerites. She has to fight with them so Nerites doesn't end up as a snack."
"Oooooff!"
"Tell me about it! After asserting her dominance, she asks for their wisdom: how to undo a titan god's magic. Turns out they usually do destroy stuff but on a physical rather than metaphysical level. Poor mama is back right where she started." Triton looked crestfallen.
"Maybe she'll have more luck with Okeanos and Tethys. They're siblings with Helios' parents."
Triton shrugged.
"So? Can you undo Apollon's or Athene's magic?"
"...no."
"Neither can I. We can’t even undo our own magic. Maybe it's just a hopeless case."
"That would be pretty heart-breaking, don't you think?"
Triton looked at his webbed hands.
"I was just a small fry when he disappeared. But I do have memories of him. He used to race with me and play with me and my sisters. And then he was just... gone."
Hermes embraced him.
"I'm sorry," he said, "If there is a way I can help you need but ask."
"Keep an ear out for anything that is rumoured of undoing magic, no matter how bizzare. That's all I ask."
"You know, I have an ongoing affair with Hekate. She is skilled in magic, like the daughters of Helios. She might know something?"
"Thanks, mate. You're a true friend."
Triton gave a cool, wet kiss to his cheek.
"Were you diving deep today? You're still so cold!"
Triton teased him by touching him with his icy hands, making Hermes squeal.
"I was. Took mama to Keto and Phorkys. Got to drive the chariot."
"My little cousin, so grown up," Hermes teased.
"Mock me all you want but you don't have a chariot."
"Neither do you. It's your mama’s."
"But I got to drive it! When did you drive your papa's chariot, eh?"
"Why would I wanna drive that bulky old thing when I have these babies?" Hermes petted his winged sandals. "I'm faster and more agile than any chariot. In fact, I'll bet you that I can outrun any chariot."
"Not in the sea you can't."
Triton gave him a smug grin.
"I can outrun you in the wind above the waves."
"Maybe. But your wings won't fly in the water."
Hermes crossed his arms.
"They were not made for swimming. But I'm sure they'll do just fine."
"Against a streamlined fishtail? Dream on, cousin."
Hermes pouted.
"Don't insult my sandals."
"I'm not insulting them. I'm just saying they'll lose against me if you ever try to beat me on my home surf."
Hermes got up, hovering just above the sea’s surface, pretending to walk on the water.
"If you were to compete with me on land I could say the same thing to you."
"I can grow legs."
"I know. But are you fast on these legs? Fast enough to race me, the God of Speed? I don't think so."
Triton's tail coiled as he turned away from the shore, following Hermes into the deeper water.
"Same goes for your sandals," he insisted.
"You don’t know that for sure."
"Only one way to find out."
Triton made a sudden grab for his ankle and pulled, plucking the Hermes out of the air. He grinned gleefully as the other god lost his balance and dropped into the sea below.
"Nice going, arsehole!" Hermes yelled, flailing his arms to stay afloat.
"I just brought us both down to the same level."
Triton turned on his back, observing the god treading water with his winged shoes.
"They behave like birds!" he exclaimed excitedly. "Like birds diving into the water to catch a fish!"
"They are smart," Hermes asserted. "They adapt to their environment."
"Fascinating."
Triton extended a clawed hand to touch one of the wings.
"Look at all those beads of air!"
The wing darted away from the hand, jerking Hermes to the side.
"Easy, darlings," he said, frowning at Triton. "You frightened them. They are not used to water. I usually take them off before bathing."
"And still they're doing pretty well. You haven't sunken to the ground yet."
Hermes swam towards his cousin in his wet, clinging chiton, and reached around his waist, holding on.
"You may not know this, seeing as you're naked all the time in the assumption that your fishtail absolves you of modesty, but wet clothes are quite heavy."
Triton wrapped his green arms around him, helping him to stay afloat.
"My junk is neatly tugged away. It doesn't dangle about like yours. No need to cover it."
"It does come out when I do this..."
Hermes gave him a mischievous grin, his nimble fingers sliding over the slippery genital slit.
"It takes much more than that to excite me," Triton replied, his muscular tail winding around Hermes, "while you stand up like the world's easiest audience."
"I am easy," Hermes agreed, "That's probably why."
Triton's genital slit was inconspicuous, it needed a keen eye to spot it, but Hermes was quite perceptive. He had seen it several times by now but it never lost the sense of wonder it could incite in him.
He glided a hand over the two slopes beside the genital opening. If he teased him enough, the green, pointy penis would peek out. It was cute. His finger slid over the opening. Triton, his cheeks a dark shade of green, dug the claws of one hand into Hermes' buttocks.
"If you go at it like that, should I just grab your crotch or what?"
"Sorry." Hermes withdrew his hand. "I didn’t mean to be rude. It's just such a nifty concept."
"It's not so different from yours. It swells when aroused." Triton's free hand touched the messenger god through the wet chiton.
"But as you said, mine is not so neatly tugged away. It just dangles about while I’m not aroused."
"It would hurt my speed," Triton teased, his fingers doing the same, "if it just hung there."
"Well, it doesn't too much for me. Though clothes certainly are a detriment. Running naked, just like you travel the sea, would allow me to be even faster."
"Do you want to get rid of your soaked garment?"
"Yes. But I need it later. Can't show up naked at the court of a king."
"You're a god, I'm sure you could get away with it."
Hermes giggled.
"But it's not comfy all cold and wet." He unpinned the chiton and spread it out on a nearby rock that was peeking out of the waves. "Hope it dries."
Triton gaped dog-eyed at his naked body. Hermes struck a pose.
"Like what you see?"
"It's not like I haven't seen it before." The sea god reached a clawed hand out to follow the dark raphe on Hermes' scrotum. "But this always fascinates me. Mine are always inside."
"Unless you get legs?"
"I suppose. I rarely have a reason to grow legs."
"Not when your fishtail is so much more convenient," Hermes said, giving the tail a caress. "And attractive. You've fathered enough children to have a whole tribe of beings named after you, have you not?"
Triton blushed a dark green.
"You think so? I don't see land people nearly as attracted to it as sea creatures."
Hermes shrugged.
"I may be on the adventurous side but yes, I truly think so. And I love that green cock of yours too."
"Heh." Triton wrapped his hand around Hermes' shaft, careful not to scratch him with his claws. "It will come out to play sooner or later."
"I’ll make sure of that." Hermes gave him a mischievous grin. "Meeting with you is all about exchanging gossip and orgasms, it would be rude not to hold up my end of the bargain."
"Speaking of which, I haven't heard any rumours from you yet," Triton pointed out, rubbing Hermes under the water as he spoke.
"Well, nothing much of note happening right now."
"There's gotta be something."
Hermes massaged the two mounds with gentle hand, staying shy of the slit itself, observing it eagerly, waiting with a pounding heart for the tip to peek out.
"Well... I guess there's my mission to the king of Korinth."
"What about it? You got a message for him?"
Triton's sharp teeth glistened in the sunlight when he opened his mouth for a silent moan.
"Something like that."
"Won't you provide a little more detail?"
"Heh. Well... Aietes, the son of Helios, is leaving for Kholkis. He wants my son Bounos to succeed him." Nimble fingers found their way into the opening where the glistening tip of Triton's marine penis peaked out. Hermes stroked the pointy cock with the soft pad of his finger. Triton hooked it around the finger like the tiniest handshake.
"This is so amazing. I wish I could do that. Grip things with my cock. I would be even better at stealing!"
"Don't you steal anything from me, cousin!"
"What in the depths of the sea should I steal from you? You don't even wear clothes!"
"Don't think I will believe that you haven't seen my jewellery."
"Oh, but it would look so good on me, cousin."
Triton chuckled.
"It would. Give me a great climax and I may consider giving a gift."
"Generous. Would you be a little more generous with your cock too?"
"If you want more cock, be nice. It doesn't like being robbed."
Hermes stuck out his tongue at him and began massaging the exotic rod. It was fairly thin and much more flexible than his own. The ability to curl around a finger and move like a tentacle fascinated him. How it came out of the genital slit that looked more like a woman's cunt but housed the prick when it wasn't in use. So practical. The unusual colour, a deep green, deeper even than the sea god's other skin, added to the exotic flavour. He coaxed the sea-phallos out further until it reached its full length but even at peak hardness it was still bendy and flexible. Hermes wondered if it tasted salty if he were to kiss it. Triton always tasted of the sea, why would his cock be an exception? The less rigid nature of the erection made it a challenge to masturbate, being used to a firm, stiff shaft himself. But Triton's noises assured him that he was doing something right.
"Oh fuck, you know how to please a merman."
Hermes smiled.
"Thanks. But why is it so different from mine?"
"Is it so much different?" Triton shrugged. "It grows when I'm aroused same as yours. It shoots when it comes, same as yours. And it has a shaft and a head, same as yours."
"Your tip is very pointy, though." Hermes curled a finger around it. "And it can grip things and is much more flexible overall. Mine is just hard. Why?"
"Well..." Triton laughed. "The truth is that Nereids have cunts like a fucking labyrinth! You gotta find your way. And that's why a tip that can move like that is helpful. The Olympians don't have that kind of problem?"
"Nah. It's more or less a straight tunnel. Like a sword's sheath. So a long, hard sword is best." He grinned, bucking into Triton's slick fist.
"And why's your head thick and blunt like that?"
Hermes pondered the question, playing with Triton's writhing tip.
"I think it's because ya gotta ram it in there, so ya need a blunt, hard surface."
Triton's tail fin fluttered as he squirmed in the water.
"I- hah!" he sighed. "I can pull you through the sea with my cock!"
Hermes chuckled.
"Now you're bragging."
"'S true!" Triton groaned, tightening his grip around Hermes. "I'll prove it to ya."
"If you still can after I'm done with you." Hermes winked. It sounded like a fun thing to try. But he didn't want Triton to stop his caress and he didn't want to let go of him either.
"It takes a while to go back inside," Triton explained but he seemed somewhat distracted.
"Close?" asked Hermes.
"Getting there." The sea god closed the nictitating membrane of his fish-like eyes, then his heavy lids. His mouth opened, revealing the row of sharp, pointy teeth. Hermes would not ever ask him to suck his cock, even though his plump, green lips would look so hot around his shaft.
"Take your time." Hermes rubbed the little tip between his thumb and index finger, his free hand brushing over the anal opening not far below the genital slit.
"Your fingers are amazing," Triton choked, "So soft and swift and everywhere at once!"
His pointy cock gripped Hermes tightly, firing the messenger's desire up even more.
"And you are so gentle despite the claws on your hands," he offered, "Plus your cock is amazing! Hard yet flexible. Gushing like a fountain. Green and slippery and so exciting to explore."
"You feel so good," Triton moaned, "Like warm cunt but it's just your hands!"
"And they're not nearly as complicated," Hermes laughed, "just a tunnel."
"Y-Yeah..." Triton squirmed, his back washing up on the rock where Hermes had put his chiton, the end of his tail swishing in the water. This was a sure sign that the sea god was approaching orgasm. He stroked him over his whole length, giving special consideration to the tip, still curled tightly around his finger by squeezing back with his free hand. Triton's arm around him almost cut off his air supply, the claws digging into his side as a fountain of copious come splashed into the air and sprayed his green chest with white beads, the rest forming milky clouds in the sea water until it dissolved. Hermes was oh so hard! The brief pain of the piercing claws was gone, he hardly even felt it any more. His lust was a much more pressing matter.
"Please," he begged, "please, Triton, make me come too?"
The commander of the waves was still blissfully enjoying the ebb of his own climax, just nodding to Hermes.
"Always, dear friend. Always."
"I'm as hard as a seashell," Hermes joked. Well, half-joked.
"I can tell," Triton replied with a smirk. He pulled his cousin closer, his hand gentle, the webbing between his fingers soft against Hermes' skin.
"Rub me?" Hermes gave him his best pleading eyes. Triton laughed.
"I already said I would. I'm not so cruel as to leave you half-finished, with your cock hanging out like that."
"It always hangs out like that."
"You know what I mean. Figure of speech. And it doesn’t always hang like that. It's much smaller and limper most of the time."
"Is it a saying you have in the sea?"
"Isn’t leaving someone hanging a concept you also have on land?"
He moved his fist, the grip firm but not as iron as it had been just moments before, when Hermes had feared he would squeeze the life out of him as he climaxed.
"Indeed it is." Hermes sighed, his lust swelling.
"This one isn't hanging. It's hard as a razor fish."
Hermes chuckled.
"Would you eat it too?"
Triton stuck out his green tongue at him.
"I'm not licking your cock. We've been over this."
"Yeah, you'd bite it clean off."
"Shut up, I won't. I'm holding the reins over my instincts."
"Like with your orgasm?"
"That one was granted by you, wasn't it?"
"Yeah, I guess it kinda was. Thanks for returning the favour."
"No biggie."
Triton watched his cock with keen interest as his green hand glided up and down, up and down. The marine cock didn't have a prepuce in the same way, obviously making this fun to him.
"Are you enjoying it?" Hermes asked coyly.
Triton gave him a small smile.
"Yeah, I do. I like seeing you get off."
Hermes blushed.
"Uh, thanks."
Triton giggled.
"Nothing weird, mate. I'm not flirting. We're just colleagues, right?"
"Right. No funny business."
"It is a little funny."
Hermes couldn't help but laugh.
"I guess we will have some funny business, then. Including funny handjobs."
Triton sped up his hand.
"Funny, eh? Because I don't look like you?"
"Exactly. I'm laughing every time I see you."
Triton traced Hermes' trail of hairs with a claw.
"You have hair in all these weird places."
"You barely have any hair at all."
"My hair is lusher than your sorry curls."
"It just looks that way because you adorn it with pearls and corals."
"See? I knew you were looking at my jewellery!"
They both laughed. Triton spread out his webbed hand, carefully gliding over the tan skin. Hermes let out a sigh. His cock was leaking pre-come, coating the sea god's slick fingers, quickly indistinguishable from the water of the barren sea. Waves hit the rock and foam white as semen sprayed their faces.
"Everything is easy with you," Triton said sincerely, his hand gliding effortlessly up and down the shaft. "Hooking up. Bringing you to orgasm. Talking about it. Never any net thrown out. No traps or entanglements."
"We're jus' havin' a good time," Hermes moaned, "No nets needed. I don’t intend to catch ya."
"You're younger than me, so I guess on land, technically I'd have to court you, right?"
"It's not just on land. Your dad has had eromenoi too."
"Sure. But he grew up on land. Or in the heavens. In the sea... we are not bound by these rules as much."
"And neither am I."
Triton chuckled.
"That's because you know how to talk your way out of anything. Not because the rules don't apply to you. But I am willing to make you an honourable sea god. Since your grandma is an Okeanid."
"Generous. Just like your caress."
Hermes was starting to have a hard time focussing on the conversation. It usually came easy to him, even aroused, but he was getting too close to his climax to follow. Triton's hand around him was all too present, his cock throbbing, begging for release. Just a little longer... hold out, Hermes, to enjoy the pleasure of being touched as long as possible. It was never very long. He felt them race past the point of no return. He would spill, it was inevitable now. His cock got ready to shoot his seed, the pumping starting, then his mind became a blur, lustful moans carrying over the wide sea.
The climax hit him like a powerful wave in the surf and he was going under, drowning in pleasure. He tasted a splash of come on his lips and licked it off with his tongue, becoming aware of how tightly Triton was holding him. It was nice, his skin having been warmed by the sun – or their intimacy? – the cold of the deep forgotten. Pointy teeth greeted him when the sea god flashed a smile.
"That one sounded pretty good."
"All the ones you give me are good." Hermes nuzzled him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I wouldn't be coming back to your tardy ass otherwise."
"If anything, I have a tardy fishtail."
Hermes stroked it.
"And a beautiful one at that." He pondered the sea god’s objection. "I suppose it's not quite the same. But this here–" he caressed the area just below Triton's back where his green skin shone with the first shiny scales. "–gets pretty close."
Triton sat up on the rock, making his tail look much more and at the same time much less like buttocks.
"I don't have that funny crack," he said.
"You could have it if you got legs."
"No thanks." Triton's claws traced Hermes' bum crack. "I enjoy it more on you."
Hermes met his gaze, then abruptly rose.
"Fuck, I gotta run! Helios is already past the zenith." He picked up his damp clothes. Triton looked disappointed for a moment, then slid back into the water so only his arms and chest rested on the rock above the waves.
"What message did you have for me?"
"Queen Hera sends this to your mum." Hermes rummaged through his messenger bag until he found a bolt of finest silk. "She had it woven by Athene after she sent me to trade for it with the gods of Serika."
"It shines like pearls!" Triton exclaimed, impressed.
"I know, right? And my papa invites your papa to a private symposion. My brothers and I are not allowed to join."
"How mysterious."
"Eh." Hermes shrugged. "They're gonna get drunk and fool around with the nymphs is my best guess. Nothing to be seriously missing out on."
"Fooling around with nymphs is a lovely pastime," Triton disagreed. "And your track record with the Oreads suggests you think so too."
"I can fool around with nymphs on my own." Hermes picked another package out of his bag. "This is from Aphrodite to Nereus and Doris. A couple of fine pomegranates to enjoy. They're truly delicious as I can testify myself." He grinned.
"Did you try them on the way here?"
"Sure did. And I suggest you do the same. Anything for me in turn?"
"Papa went on an angry rant on why Athene should yield Athens to him but… let’s say you forgot to tell her about it."
"Deal."
"There's also this letter from Tethys to Queen Hera."
Triton gave him a scroll written on what looked like seaweed papyrus.
"Thanks. I shall deliver it swiftly." Hermes hovered over the waves, the wings on his sandals spraying beads of water everywhere as they fluttered. "Until next time?"
Triton sank back beneath the surface, only his head sticking out with the pearls and corals in his hair.
"Until we meet again."
He waved his hand in greeting, then he dove back into the depths of the sea. The waves rolled as if he had never been there at all. Hermes stored the seaweed letter safely away before he rose towards the heavens and sped towards Korinth.
FIN
Many thanks for your immortal patience my wonderful patrons. I want to give special thanks to my faithful demigoddesses and demigods whose pledges I use to pay my artists: Dami, Sarah, Linda, Ennie, Wuxing Chrysalis, Jane, Paul, Fire, and Martti, you have my deepest gratitude for allowing me to hire my wonderful artists! Also shout-out to my nymphs and satyrs Malpertuis, Magda, and Karl, and KJ!
May the joy of MerMay be with you for the rest of the year 🧜♂️
Sources
A silver fish eye similar to what I imagine for Triton
